I have never talked openly before about my own journey as a Counsellor and Coach, or shared my own insights and thoughts, so I am really interested to hear what you think?

I offer my own ideas and experiences as a way of connecting to you, and in the hope that what goes on for me, might also resonate for you.  So here goes…..

The wound is where the light gets in…(Rumi)

Because Christianity is the religion that I grew up with, I see an obvious allegory in Rumi’s writing in the way Jesus faces pain with courage and yet still finds compassion for others. Of course different religions all offer allegorical tales pointing to the same basic truth – that pain is the path to growth. And if you see pain as your path to growth, you don’t try to bargain it away, or blame others, or pretend it’s not happening, but attempt to face painful experiences with the same courage and compassion…although I do want to say clearly at this point, when we feel traumatised, that is also the point at which most of us are in too much pain to have clear perspective.

I spent many years, angry at the start I had in life. Jealous of others that they had been given the gift of parents who loved them, who didn’t abuse them. I remember asking my therapist, “When will I stop feeling so angry?” (And that was already 8 years in). He answered simply, “I don’t know…..”

Of course I now see that that rage never goes, at least, not magically. I can still feel the hot rage and steely determination that accompanies it whenever I meet someone like me, someone who also carries hot rage and a steely determination to never ‘give in’. I have learnt over the years, through much therapy: though this person reminds me of the past – they are not my abuser – and this gives me breathing space. A way to unhook myself from that transferential rage, so that I can decide in the here and now how I want to respond. Now that I have unhooked myself from the feeling that I am back in my childhood and trapped, it then becomes clear to me that I have a range of possible responses in my power.

And now there is another layer of reaction. This comes from my spiritual work and experiences. Now I see how we are all struggling, many of us responding to the projection of our past pain, onto present day situations, and behaving as if those projections are real. I see how we all need compassion and love in response to our frailty, and how the surest way to resolution is to see ourselves clearly and find compassion, for ourselves and others.

So this is the path to growth as I see it; to face into the pain with compassion for yourself, and do the work that you know deep inside, is yours to do.

I work with people on their barriers or blocks to growth, wherever they find them – psychological or spiritual. I am trained in Transactional Analysis and Adult Development. However, the frames of reference are just that, underlying all my psychological and spiritual work with people, for me there are just two essential components: love and compassion.  If you are interested in working with me, whatever the work you want to do, then please reach out, by email, or chat on LinkedIn, or Messenger on Facebook.